I really like how supportive Josh's family is. I mean, tonight Matt came to practice a half hour early (cuz I'm usually there at 6:30, but Anne made me late tonight, grrrr) to give me the cell phone to talk to Josh. Since I was late I didn't get to talk to him till after practice, but it was still the thought that counts. Haha, I don't think Josh appriciated the random call but I called because I didn't want to be rude, after all Matt brought it for me! I still think my sister and Matt should go out, that would be hilarious. She's taller haha. I hope everyone is doing great! I don't work Saturday, so SATSA-A should go out on the town. I don't like AP Government. I like peanut butter. I love Josh. Good Night. You always say good night.

This is for Josh because Purdue plays Notre Dame this weekend. I agree with Carlin. I think Irish people should resent the Notre Dame nickname, "The Fighting Irish." After all, how long do you think nicknames like "The Bargaining Jews" or "The Murdering Italians" would last? Only the ironic Irish could be so naively honest. I get the feeling that Notre Dame came real close to naming itself "The F&ckin' Drunken, Thick-skulled, Brawling, Mel Gibson makes our accent look good Irish." But that's just entirely too long.



GO BOILERMAKERS!

School and my job and everything else that takes up time really sucks. I've realized that there never is enough time. It's something eveyone wants more of, but no one can have. I want to spend more time reading my bible, having intelligent coversations with friends, reading profound books... I wanted more time with my brother and sister before they left home, I want to spend more time with Daniel, Thinh, Juston, and the rest of the gang. God knows I wanted more time with Josh! I don't know, reading Josh's journal yesterday I realized how much of an outsider I really am. It's not that everyone makes me feel like an outsider, it's just that I really am. I'm so different than all of you. I'm not insanely smart or sarcastic, I don't have the music know-how, I don't have incredibly witty things to say, I don't antagonize people for fun, I don't know a thing about computers or video games... I just don't. I really don't know what I am, I feel like I don't contribute anything at all. I guess I'm having a slight identity crisis. Thinh even said that this group is so cool because we are all so different, but I just feel a little more different or something. What I do know is that I care for all of you deeply (but if any of you "slay" anyone I don't guarantee I'll "stay" with you, we don't need no killin') and I'm sorry I can't spend as much time with you as I'd like to. As for Josh, I'm sorry I didn't act on this relationship as soon as I found you. I'm trying to keep up with you now the best I can, so bear with me when I forget things.




It doesn't take a talent to be mean
Your words can crush things that are unseen
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way
~Jewel

YAY! Happy Birthday to my awesome little sister, she's 15 now. Time to get her and Matt together, haha. Thinh and I went running today and it was great. I love that feeling right after you exercise, then I came home and ate my sister's birhtday cake (which happened to be cheesecake) yeah, good feeling gone. Thinh and I are going to try to do that every Tuseday and Thursday, sounds good to me. In other news, today is Josh's and my 2 month mark. I think that's very cool. Many more to come. Haha, no one can comment! (not like you'd want to anyway, not a very interesting post)

<><

The answer to the modern youth's problems is spelled out in the word of our God.

"How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word"
~Psalm 119:9

Tomorrow is our first out of town football game of the year, and I can't wait. There's something about performing that I just love. The flag line is doing a bit better, no where near where we need to be but hopefully that will change. We get our uniforms today, hopefully they turned out ok (if they don't it will be all my fault because it was my design) We have homecoming in 3 weeks and I guess I'm not going to have a date, which doesn't bother me too much, I knew I'd have to make these sacrifices. Well, not really sacrifices but for lack of a better word... yeah. I'm determined to make this homecoming great. My last two homecoming's have been pretty bad. Last year I was rushed from morning band practice to the hospital and sophomore year... well Ashlin knows how that went. It's my senior year, I'll make it great without a date and mum.

Tomorrow we vote for senior class officers. I'm running for Vice President, against like 4 or 5 other people. I hate getting my hopes up, but I do really want that position. Last year I beat Sawyer for Reporter (big shock, not being sarcastic) now we're against eachother again... along with Haley Salas, and Kelli something, and Valerie Zapata I think. Amber's running for Reporter, I would've run for that but I hate the idea of running against a good friend. (that's not the only reason, lol) All in all, please pray that the students at Central high school select the most apt delegates.

::cough, me and Amber, cough::

Please try to campaign a little for us, ok?



"I found another guy with the same name as me, he goes to Purdue"
"What?! Purdue, what?"

So I'm at work right now and Daniel's spazing because Thinh's with "his girl" at the S.Y.A.T.P assembly, Lauren's not here yet and Nathan is on his way over. I really wish I could have gone to the Saw You at the Pole assebly. My place of work, which calls itself a Christian establishment, is preventing me from being a christian. Now that is taking it to the extreme, but I would like to go to Wednesady night church sometime. Ok all you up to current affairs people, Wesley Clark: thumbs up or thumbs down? I'm thinking thumbs up for me, but that's because I'm anti-Bush and I like his views on the Iraq war.

News for the day: Apparently my post on September 14, 2003 made Daniel Pool's top ten most suspenseful posts ever. What a milestone for my Blogging career.

"Was that a make out night?"
"You mean me and Josh? Yeah."
::Hysterical laughing::
"I knew you would laugh at that. 'Say this, she'll laugh' I thought in my head."

I'm here in photojournalism class, and I have nothing to do. So far, today was great. I actually got up early and was on time to school, that's a first. Then I was stressing about the government pages I hadn't read and Dr. Coleman comes on the announcements saying "Go to the assembly" YES! Then in spanish class Mrs. Flores gave me the extra burrito from the fiesta the previous period. Since seniors had the assembly 2nd period, juniors had it 3rd period and most of my spanish class is juniors she let me go to photojournalism. I developed my contact sheet, turned out very well I might add and so now I have nothing to do. Now all I'm worried about is the Les Miserables test next period, fun stuff.

Well, Nick commented today at school on how "pretty freakin' emo" I looked. Thinh has said something like that since Friday. I guess I've accomplished the look to match my emotions. Today was just not a good day to go to school. I woke up late, of course, and this is the first day this year I REALLY didn't want to go out of the house. I've loved school thus far, but I'm getting a tinge of senioritis. (not good considering this is the 5th week of school) The only classes that went well today was Photojournalism and English. In photojournalism my film developed lovely and I can't wait to print them. In English we expressed archetypal signs out of construction paper, good ol' G/T class. Miss it, Josh? Yeah, I really like the weather lately too. Cloudy and cool, very nice. I'm still waiting for my tickets and itinerary to come in the mail, I'm counting every minute till I'm on that plane. Josh has been gone exactly one month yesterday. I miss him, more than anyone can imagine. Think of how much you think I miss him then times that by 10 and yeah, even more than that.

I seriously almost died last night. The rain came around 4:11, that's the last time I looked at my watch. I was sitting on Matt Miller's front porch talking to Ben Miller, Nathan and Matt were driving Ruben home. I had watched the storm roll in all night, then it finally hit. The rain was really, really heavy. I saw it falling in sheets in the street light. "I really need to get home before this gets any worse." I told Ben. I started driving down Harris and I could barely see 5 feet in front of me. When I got to Rio Concho Drive, I saw the drainage ditches overflowing, but that was my only way home. I had to take that road, so I was going like 20 when I hit the river. Right in front of Rio Concho Manor, my car took a dip and water went completely over my headlights and started seeping into the floor board of my car through the doors. The electricity was out so the street lights weren't on, so when my lights went under it was completely dark. All I heard was the moaning of my Honda and the rushing of water and rain. I got extremely scared, I immediately began to pray. I now understand why most drownings occur this way. I couldn't see that the road had been replaced by a river. I floored it and I swear the angels were there pushing my car keeping it running. Any other car would have stalled when the water had completely gone up and over the hood. I got through that and prayed the rest of the way home. I ran every stop light and stop sign, I probably had a million traffic violations but no one was out and I know no cop was going to pull me over in this, I just had to get home. I fianlly walked in the door at around 5, my mom was waiting for me. "I almost died!" I exlaimed to my mother.

Well, this is my second attempt to write this dedicated to Daniel. Last night was my first, but the Lighthouse computer decided to crash right as I finished. So here we go. Daniel, Happy Freakin' Birthday. I remember when I first met Daniel "Goose" Pool. It was our first day of theatre II and we were playing the nickname game. He of course nicknamed himself Goose. For the first semester, that's the only class I saw him. We had a great time in there for the year: Daniel and my Academy Award winning duet performance of Equis, Daniel pretending to be pasta and us all eating him, Omar, Daniel actually being a "Director", "I don't know what potato cheep eese!", Daniel and my arguement about why I think there should be a draft, and Ashlin and him teasing me about liking Josh. Daniel is one of the greatest guys I know. He has the biggest heart. He didn't deserve any of the crap some people put him through this year. Yet was he mean to them at all, did he show any of his bitterness? I think not. In fact, I beleive he even HELPED them out when they needed him. Daniel will put his feelings aside for anyone. I even remember when he actually accompanied Cassie when she went to give blood. Daniel, around needles, imagine that. One time he was actually going to take all the blame for me getting in trouble with my parents. I'm a better person becasue of him, he's helped me out enormously with everything I've ever needed him for. I love his liberal mind and bigger than life heart. Daniel, you know any of us would do the same for you. Happy 19th Birthday, you flaming homo.

Tonight was really weird. Really, really, really weird. Considering the circumstances, Juston, Thinh, and myself had a really good conversation. Actually, we had a lot of really good conversations. Yeah. All the while I was beating myself up because I think Josh may have really needed me tonight and I wasn't there for him. I hate that. In addition to it all, I think I'm getting sick again. I have a sore throat, same thing that happened the first week of school. I don't know what the deal is, maybe I'm not getting enough sleep. I don't know, pray for me. Pray for Josh... and his mother.

Well, I'm Indiana bound and I couldn't be more excited. My parents let me borrow their credit card and I'm paying them back throughout the rest year, which really means for the rest of my life. When I got home Thursday from work, my dad was just getting off the phone with the travel agent and my ticket was purchased. Here's what's going down:

Going there :-)

Amercan Airline 2884 Sunday Novemeber 23
Departs: 4:05 PM Dallas Ft Worth Intl (DFW)
Arrives: 5:52 PM Lambert St Louis Intl (STL)

American Airline 5941
Departs: 6:31 PM Lambert St Louis Intl (STL)
Arrives: 8:43 PM Lafayette Arpt (LAF)

Coming Home :-(

American Airline 5938 Tuesday Decmber 2
Departs: 12:18 PM Lafayette Arpt (LAF)
Arrives: 12:30 PM Lambert St Louis Intl (STL)

American Airline 2933
Departs: 2:00 PM Lambert St Louis Intl (STL)
Arrives: 4:03 PM Dallas Ft Worth Intl (DFW)

I actually take a flight from Brownwood to Dallas, but that itinerary isn't posted on the internet so I'm waiting for the complete one to come in the mail. Can you beleive that, nine days with Josh IN West Lafayette. I can barely contain myself. You guys better memorize those plane numbers so you know if I crashed or not. Haha, wow what a terrible thought.

If I had a mood thingy it would say PISSED OFF!

Why does everyone have to be so mean to everyone else. I don't get it, why the need for such hatefulness. Why can't you just be happy for people and accept everyone as they are? For the past 4 days I've gotten a daisy delivered to me by this "kindness" person. It's really sweet but everyone in my English class is starting to hate me for it. They start teasing me and stuff (which is SO elemntary school) and other people are like "Of course this happenes to YOU!" If something good happens to someone why to you have to talk to them with such animosity? Another thing, why is everyone so mean to their friends? Is it really necessary to find every fault a person has and make fun of them for it? You don't have to citicize everything a person does and always make them feel inferior. I don't know, I'm just sick of mean people, especially when those people are supposed to be your friends. I'm just sensitive I guess. Does that make me a bad person? Does wanting people to be kind and not patronize others make me overly sensitive? Why can't you just accept people with their faults and not make an effort to kick their feelings around.

I just received a letter from Josh. When I opened the envelope, out slipped his bracelet into my hand. The end of the letter read "Hold onto it for me." I was bewildered, I'm not sure why. You're now going to see a permanent piece of jewelry on my wrist. Yeah, he's mine.... indefinitely.

Well, right when I got off the phone with Josh tonight the weirdest thing happened. Darby Hadley imed me. We haven't talked since before Graduation, it was really weird but it felt good talking to him. I mean, even if relationships don't work out you can still be friends with the people. (Unless you're Aaron) He and his girlfriend are still doing well, 7 months strong. He commented on Josh's hair and having him in Cisco class (haha, he didn't get certified[by "he" I mean Darby]). I'd actually like to be friends with Darby again, it's a good idea.

Not by any means ever can Matt replace Josh. Not only is Josh absolutely irreplaceable, but Matt is a person too. "Look, it's a Josh substitute, he's even sitting by Elizabeth!" said Nick. A wave of sadness just hit me there. This is getting really hard. Matt is very cool and not a sub, FINALLY he talks to me. I swear, I guess I was just so intimidating or something (not really) We had a lot of fun watching LOTR 2 tonight at Thinh's. What was really weird was me going to Josh's house to pick up his little brohter, I mean saying to his father "Is Matt here?" was just a little weird. The company was pretty good; 3 girls 2 boys, a "good ratio" according to Thinh's bro. The only questionable part of the evening was Thinh's brother and friends smoking illegal substances in the back room. Matt and I just looked at eachother and agreed that we didn't want our parents (who could recognize the smell easily from past experiences) smelling it on our clothes, we almost left. Good thing it didn't get too bad, it would have looked terrible me taking Matt home smelling like pot. After that Cassie, Nick, Ashlin, Matt, Thinh, and myself went out to the dock to just hang out then we made Matt drive Thinh's car around the Country Club. What are older friends for anyway? Dawn forgot us again at IHOP... she only remembers Juston's face, but thank God she didn't give us her whole life story AGAIN! Her daughter has upgraded from a B**** to a mean sweetheart. Tonight was the closest to summer nights that we've gotten since school started. It was great, but there was a big piece of me missing.