Now once again, something's happened. I've been hanging out with some really cool people lately and it's put me on a huge emotional high that I don't want to wear off. Thanks for all the fun, don't ever let it stop. This is the happiest I've been in weeks!

What a freakin' crazy day. A rather big unexpected suprise showed up on my doorstep and I don't have a clue as to who sent it or why. I really really don't like the looks of it, though.

Happy Belated Birthday,  Blog.

So the same thing happens everynight. I get in around 12 or 1, read for an hour, and then force myself into the dark trying to fall asleep.  Camomile tea usually knocks me out, but no more. Something's come up. There's no hope for sleep right now... I'm thinking too damn much.

I am furious with myself.

I constantly find myself getting bullied into things that I don't want to do. I end up just going along with it to make whoever it is happy, while I act like I'm having a great time. There's this one person that gets me everytime all the time and I'm furious about it. Of course not at them, but at me because I'm the one that just won't stick up for myslef. GRRRRRrrrrrrrr. It happened to me tonight, but I swear I will be defiant next time. I swear it.

I lied. I do feel something for it. I realized today that the days are numbered in the teens and my stomache lurched with anticipation. I was suprised at myself, I haven't felt the butterflies in a while. This is a good sign.

Twelve hour shift + lack of gas + being really tired = didn't go to Dan's party
 
The fact that everyone was drunk there by the time I got off work didn't exactly make me very enthused about going. I had been planning it all week, but when Thinh mentioned the possibility of boose, I hesitated. The fact that I'm an 18 year old who backed out of a party that had alcohol makes me a huge pansy... or maybe not. I don't feel comfortable around people who are drinking, and I don't think I ever will. The way Thinh turns red, the way Lauren's eyes flash, the way Nick goes limp, the way Juston laughs uncontrolably, I just can't help but hate seeing my friends like that. What is the point of it anyway?
 
21 days doesn't seem so far way... but then again it looks way far off. I don't even feel anyhting for it anymore.

So I guess you really can tell something's wrong. Thinh brought it up this time, "I can just tell." I can't exactly deny it, but I at least try not to make it obvious. My mother has said something about it at least everyday this week. It's bad enough that my entire family has changed their opinion on this, but 90% of my friends have too. How many mistakes can this girl make... just one more, I think.

Boy Scout Camp, San Antonio, Church Camp, Home, HEB Camp, Arizona

This summer has been rather strange. When I got back from camp, a series of crazy events happened and all I wanted to do was stay away from it all. When my sister Krista comes, our world just goes to crap. I get kicked out of my room and the house gets very messy and everyone is really busy doing stuff. The day she left I thought it would go back to normal, but instead my world got crazier. Due to a ridicluous arguement on the phone and a series of minute past instances, my mother kicked me out of my house. So I left, and she then calls my cell phone every other hour demmanding to know where I am and that she's realy worried. I knew my mom was crazy, but this was just over the deep end. Fortunately I didn't have to deal with it because my cell phone was on vibrate and I didn't get the messages till morning. Whatever... I went back the next day and everyting was fine. Possibly the stupidest thing my family has ever done.

So I get to work at the Lighthouse everynight this week and I am very pleased with that fact. More money is good. I've been driving around after work with Thinh till almost 12:30 everynight talking about... well, problems. Seems right now all possiblities for a solution point to someting that I don't want to do, though it seems inevitable. I've been patient for a long time, and waiting a little longer doesn't seem that hard right now.

I'm quite discontent with livejournal and blogger right now. I seem to be missing the point of all this, why do we do this again?