My life is an absolute joke. I have no purpose here. Usually life is pretty joyous, speckled by moments of sadness. My life has been misery speckled by moments of joy yielding into more misery when those moments are over.
I don't feel amazing. I feel pathetic, and small, and useless, and stupid, and incapable, and worthless.
I try so hard to force myself to have a "good" day, but I still manage to cry everyday. EVERYDAY, even twice or three times a day. It's a "good" day if I don't think about the unthinkable. That's about how I measure it. I hide it as best I can, but I can only hide it so long. This has been going on since July. How much longer can it last!!! I can't take it anymore. It's horrible.
