bittersweet indeed

I don't even know what to write here anymore. I feel compromised. I'm trying to hide everything and not let perception be reality, but no one believes me.

I don't even feel safe in the one place I go to get away from the world, either. I fear going to my own church because of the current situation. Perception is reality. I hate human nature in that way. I believe everything happens for a reason... it's all in His timing. Why are humans so judgemental?

Three summers ago I started this blog full of hope and a fantasy. My passion as a 17 year-old has become less idealistic. I've grown. People grow. They leave behind what they need to to move on. Where would I be if I had not let my brother go? My Dad? Now Josh?

Renewal is refreshing. NEW is refreshing. Pursuits are refreshing. Sadness is inevitable, but love heals all wounds past, present, future.

Changes

Create in me a new heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Ps 51:10-12