Pain is essential to life.

When you lose someone you love , you feel your heart ache for a very long time. This is a true, real, physical pain. Your memories are then connected to your pain. Things you smell, songs you hear, sights you see, all trigger memories which then triggers your pain. You come to a realization though. They may have passed, but you're alive. You're alive and blessed with the option to keep on living.

Why do you think people say "pinch me" when they think they're dreaming? It brings you back to life. If we couldn't feel pain, we would have died off in the days of Eden. Young Cain says to young Abel, "Hey, go jump off that cliff. It'll be fun." Abel, knowing nothing of the fatality of the fall, would jump. There would've been no need for a murder later on in life, right?

So when the pain of heartache consumes you, you begin to feel everything. You're more alive than ever when you're in pain. It's the only time you know you're truly living. Pain is essential to life.

I was sitting in the Lighthouse one day and the song "You Always Say Goodnight" came on. I felt a rush of cold and then hot and then a complete mood change. It was like a memory was literally washing over me and sending me and my surroundings back to the past. I really saw and felt around this time one year ago. It was very surreal. The term surreal actually fits very appropriately here. I thought of the things that were going on in my life at that time, then I lost myself in my memories. When I finally came out of my trance and my world of today came back to me, I felt kind of sad. Day by day things keep getting harder and harder, but you've always got to look forward to something. The things I was looking forward a year ago I'm beginning to look forward to again. Things really do come full circle and you will be content with everything... eventually.

This is Elizabeth screaming:



OK.

So now I'm in College. College is really amazing. Seriously, I'm overjoyed to be here everyday even with all the Algebra homework and the History reading. Making the transition was suprisingly easy, just like moving from Edison to Central. The most ironic thing now is that I've seen Ashlin around campus more in these few days than I ever saw her in 3 years of high school. It was great, Monday morning the first person I run into is her. I even changed her schedule for her and we both call eachother in the mornings to make sure we got up for our 8:00 classes. It's wonderful.