I am furious with myself.

I constantly find myself getting bullied into things that I don't want to do. I end up just going along with it to make whoever it is happy, while I act like I'm having a great time. There's this one person that gets me everytime all the time and I'm furious about it. Of course not at them, but at me because I'm the one that just won't stick up for myslef. GRRRRRrrrrrrrr. It happened to me tonight, but I swear I will be defiant next time. I swear it.

I lied. I do feel something for it. I realized today that the days are numbered in the teens and my stomache lurched with anticipation. I was suprised at myself, I haven't felt the butterflies in a while. This is a good sign.