I pulled another "all-nighter." I don't know why, I just couldn't sleep. My sister and I left our house at 12:30 am just to go... go anywhere. We ended up at Unidad park. My favorite park, with my favorite swing, and I remembered that night. The night of my confession. That night was amazing to me... it was the first night he put his arm around me. That's my favorite thing, just sitting in an embrace. I don't know why I'm actually typing all this, I just needed an outlet. I've been thinking too much tonight. Thinking about everything, how it will be like when he's gone, how my SENIOR year in high school will play out, how going onto college for me will be, where the rest of my friends will go, just everything. While I was packing for my trip (I finished an hour ago I might add, big procrastinator) I came across last years yearbook (nice job Cassie) I flipped through the pages and thougt to myslef, I'm going to be doing this exact same thing in 10 years. I read what people wrote about me and then looked through the senior adds. Those people were my role models for 2 years and they don't even know how they've touched my life and they never will. Most who I looked up to rarely even talked to me... Maddi Osbourne, Abbey Wehner, Megan Weaver, Kelly Thompson. I want to be just like them, I do, but I guess I'm my own person and I know I have to be myself. Next year I'll be in those senior adds, pictures of Ashlin and I will be plastered all over the yearbook and someone might be thinking the same things I am now. (probably not, I'm just crazy) I just started crying, sobbing uncontrolably. I've kind of been doing a lot of that lately, my heart just hurts of what is to come. I just don't want to have any regrets beacuse I loaded up on them this past year... not going to the senior picnic, not going to prject graduation, being gone for SOOOOOO long at boy scout camp, not going to church enough, working TWO jobs and managing school, not calling Ashlin enough, getting boy crazy and always choosing the wrong one (well I know NOW!) Come to think of it, I just have very few good memories of my Junior year and I don't want that to happen this year. I'm growing up too fast, I mean, when did I start driving, sheesh! But I've got to suck it up, here comes my SENIOR year. Make the most of it, have no regrets. :-)