Knots and Bells

I guess I've hit that time in life where I get to see people actually starting their lives. My older friends are graduating from college and starting their careers and my same age friends are getting engaged, married, and even having kids. At the Baptist Student Ministry, there are about 4 girls in my class (as in Class of 2008) who aren't engaged, myself included. It's pretty odd to observe. It seems like every Sunday there's a new couple being anounced by Lakan and they're all people I know pretty well. They aren't the older ones anymore, they're my people. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm by no means jealous of these people. My time will come eventually and I'll be pleased when it does, but it is odd seeing all the people around me starting something so huge.

An Explanation of 20

1. SXSW for the 3rd time - Austin, TX 2006. I had a terrible time.
2. write a letter to our Congressman or Representative - I've written two: one about net neutrality (FOR IT!) and one requesting information about the P.A.T.R.I.O.T Act (Bullshit!)
3. buy a really cool pair of shoes - Sexy and black.
4. watch every episode of Grey's Anatomy - Yeppers.
9. floss - I've been doing really good on this one.
10. repair bike and save gas - One of the most recent accomplishments. I even rode it 6 miles from my house to the dorms and have been riding it to class. I'm now one of THOSE people.
11. clean my car inside and out - Considering I got a new car, big checkmark.
19. buy antique jewelery - Chicken Farm
20. play a lot of animal crossing
24. complete all essays for Ellery's class on time
26. play tennis again - I'm even enrllolled in a Tennis class now!
29. catch a bouquet at a wedding - My single most suprising accomplishment. I caught it at my best friend's wedding... doesn't mean I'm getting married anytime soon though.
31. go to church, but think for myself
35. keep practicing my flute - Playing in church programs too.
36. practice my ballet - I've incorporated a lot of this in the flag routines I've made up for the high school.
37. don't over-involve myself - I'm only in 2 organizations now, and I'm not president of either one! Suprising.
38. make some great coffee - finally!
39. don't get drunk, just razzed - I haven't been drunk since sometime last fall.
40. don't talk with mouth full - Maybe I have done this...
43. be nice to spoiled rotten sister - This is SO difficult, but I've held out for the most part.

I'll analyze the rest as they come. This is more for my own benefit than for you to read, so I apologize for boring you.

Making My Meager Differences

Living in the middle of West Texas, it is sometimes difficult to be as eco-friendly as I want to be. I guess I'll have to be happy winning small battles and hope someone will follow my petty example. For istance, the past few weeks when I've gone shopping at HEB (not Wal Mart*), I've gotten a lot of strange looks because I bring my huge Budda Bag to carry my groceries out instead of a myriad of wasteful plastic bags. I don't care about the looks and so what if I save 5 bags, in 10 trips to the store I'll have saved 50 bags!

*I went the majority of last year without one purchase at Wal Mart, but I fell into that deceptive "save 5 cents" trap when I was mvoing myself back into the dorms. It's really all a bunch of bull sh*t because every company has its major flaws. I guess I'm more disgusted with Wal Mart than any other corporation, so the Elizabeth Wal Mart ban is back in business.

When it comes to gas I'm kind of in a bind:

"Between its public denial of global warming and steadfast efforts to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge for drilling, Exxon made itself the target of concerned citizens internationally as campaigns to change the company's behavior gained steam. Exxon boasts a commitment to preserving biodiversity while simultaneously fighting policies designed to cut greenhouse-gas emissions."

"BP has a legacy of questionable ethics, toxic emissions and disregard for ecologically sensitive areas when it comes to oil and gas exploration. Most recently, BP is head of a coalition of oil and gas companies building the Baku-Tblisi-Ceyhan pipeline across Azerbaijan, Georgia and Turkey. The project has resulted in the widespread dislocation of residents without proper, and in some cases any, compensation."

"Chevron, formerly ChevronTexaco, has been directly and indirectly responsible for human rights violations in the Niger Delta, plus toxic dumping in several US states and in the Amazon rainforest. From 1972 to 1990 in Ecuador alone, Texaco Corp. was responsible for dumping 18.5 billion gallons of contaminated wastewater into rivers and open pits in the Amazon jungle, causing skin problems, miscarriages, and other ailments in local communities."

"Shell's most high-profile misdeed was its encouragement to use lethal force against environmental activists in Nigeria's Ogoni region. Ken Saro-Wiwa and eight other Ogoni leaders fighting to oust Shell from Ogoniland were detained by the Nigerian government and executed. Families of the deceased are still seeking justice. Aside fom the obvious environmental risks posed by fossil fuels, Shell continues to engage in the environmentally destructive practices of gas flaring, which exposes Nigerians to dangerous levels of air toxins. Shell has made a $1 billion investment in renewable energy resources and recently announced plans to sequester carbon at a gas-fired power plant in Norway. However, Shell's record should concern consumers and investors alike."

"Amerada Hess is working with BP to build the Baku-Tblisi-Ceyhan oil pipeline through eastern and central Europe. This pipeline passes through or nearby seven conflict areas, necessitating a militarized zone that will span 1,000 miles. In the past, Amerada Hess has colluded with other oil companies to hide information about the dangers of MTBE contaminating municipal water supplies."

"Sunoco was one of several companies implicated for using MTBE, a potential carcinogen, for making gas burn cleaner. The chemical eventually contaminated some water supplies. Sunoco is a supporter of the Global Sullivan Principles for economic, social and political justice and has committed to compliance with the Sustainability Reporting Guidelines. While these initiatives are certainly in the right direction, Sunoco's very nature as an oil and gas company makes it a climate change liability."

Sources: Coop America

Checkmarks

At the beginning of the year I made a list of 100 things to accomplish in 2006. My progress has been better than I thought. Some things I accomplished this year so far I forgot were on the list! Here is my progress in the 3/4 of a year mark.

I'll have to analyze and explain these later.

1. SXSW for the 3rd time
2. write a letter to our Congressman or Representative
3. buy a really cool pair of shoes
4. watch every episode of Grey's Anatomy
9. floss
10. repair bike and save gas
11. clean my car inside and out
19. buy antique jewelery
20. play a lot of animal crossing
24. complete all essays for Ellery's class on time
26. play tennis again
29. catch a bouquet at a wedding
31. go to church, but think for myself
35. keep practicing my flute
36. practice my ballet
37. don't over-involve myself
38. make some great coffee
39. don't get drunk, just razzed
40. don't talk with mouth full
43. be nice to spoiled rotten sister
44. make up kick ass flag routines for Grape Creek HS
47. bake cakes and cookies for friends
49. buy a new Victoria's Secret bra
50. go to an art show51. go to the symphony
52. live with Josh for the summer
53. be grateful to my dad
54. thank God for life every day
55. plant some trees, kill some misquites
64. be in my best friends' wedding
65. be happy for said friend getting married
66. pop someones Amelie cherry
68. visit sister in San Antonio
69. don't have sex
71. discover and love a new band all on my own
72. stand up strait
76. be supportive of Matty
77. buy a cool new poster
78. don't eat out very much (or at least don't PAY for it)
80. be more positive about school
81. figure out what job i can see myself doing the rest of my life
82. be there for someone
84. watch all of the olympics i can
85. keep dorm room clean
89. dig deeper into my italian heritage
90. read a graphic novel
91. eat my fruits and veggies
93. go to the library, it's there for a reason
94. order something besides a cinnamon latte at starbucks

I think I've done a pretty good job. Yay me!

Life after...

While walking to class the other day I caught myself doing Thinh's favotite activity: reminicing. Not really thinking about fun things I used to do with my friends, but more of how I felt a few years ago.

While I was in the middle of my senior year in high school I hit this point where I felt pretty unsure about things. With the mxture of my parents incessant pecking and my lack of confidence in the future, I slipped into a rather depressive state. A lot of this was in sync with the sudden death of one of our fellow classmates. I remember sitting in the ASU computer lab thinking to myself "If I were to die, would it really matter to people?" My mother would say I was lazy, selfish, and self centered who never saw the opportunity in Sitel. Honestly, I think I was a little cold in high school, or rather my senior year. I was so fed up with the high school scene that all I did was go to class, do my work, and take off. I would say I was pretty bitchy andI hate to admit that.

Boy, things have changed a lot. Moving into the dorms is one of the best things to ever happen to me. It changed my life completely. The interaction I have with so meany people I've really learned to cherish. My job is to make friends with th people on my floor and be there for them if they ever need anything. My compassion really revealed itself in this vocation. I'm always afraid I'm going to give bad advice or not get as involved as I should or something. I would never have seen myself in this position 3 years ago. Of course, I always wanted to be an RA but due to technicalities I never thought it possible. God opened every window, door, and gate to get me where I am today so I hardly faced a fork in the road.

So now I'm here hoping I doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing by Him and making a million mistakes in the process. It feels right for now. I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life (sans Summer 2003) and I have a confidence that keeps me truckin'. Essentially, I don't think people will look at me now and think "bitchy" and maybe my mom won't see "selfish" anymore. IF I were to die I now I feel I would be remebered well. A 20 year old probably shouldn't have such morbid thoughts but the Lord will take me when He wishes. So I think more importantly my job for now is to be really appreciative of everything that has happened to me give credit where credit is due. My job is not to rush through life being bitchy. How deep.

Something Called School Started

First day of class for the Fall 2006 semester. It's rainy, cold, dark, and absolutely perfect. This is exactly the weather I'd love to wake up to almost every morning. I still hope Josh will get a job somwhere on the northwest coast, Seattle or Portland, so it will be like this all the time.

Argument and Debate is going to be time consuming, but beneficial because it will teach me how to argue. I need all the help I can get in that department. Critical thinking and logic is something I need to sharpen up on. Most of the students in that class are Comm majors and I am familiar with them. Comm people I can deal with, they're more on the side I would consider "normal" socially.

As for my English classes, not so normal. Literary Analysis shouldn't be too difficult, but the class is full of English majors whom I consider quite strange and almost annoying. In high school, all my English classes were full of "unique" people, but no one too strange. It seems at the college level they are just plain wacky. Most who I come in contact with severely lack social skills and don't make up for it in any other area. As you get into higher level English classes, they get a little confidence and turn into pretentious socially inept stiffs. A prime example is my Film Analysis class. I can pick out the pretentious ones, the ones who don't know a wide angle from a triangle, and the silent but deadly on paper ones. Lorne and I fall into the latter category. Ugh, English majors are almost as bad as Comp Sci majors. I don't like the people in there yet... but it's only the first day.

July, July, July

It Never Seemed So Strange


For some reason this year has been a year of forgetting to post. Unfortunately, I skipped February and now July. I've had this thing for a little over 3 years and it has evolved immensly. style has changed in my posts but I still refuse to get a new blog. I'll just continue to revamp and recreate it. When I'm 40 I'll laugh at my all the ridiculous things I said about Josh when we first started dating. I laugh now at all that mushy gushy crap. Ew.

Home is... where?

I've been in West Lafayette, Indiana for three weeks with Josh. Today I go home, though San Angelo doesn't really feel like home. This is probably supported by the fact that I don't really have a house there. Since I moved into the dorms, I no longer had a permanent address according to my mother. All my things are scattered around San Angelo in boxes at various friend's houses and I won't get it all together until I move back in the dorms for the 06-07 school year. It's really strange to go back to my old room and see my mother's and sister's things all over the place. It doesn't help things when my mother and sister continuously correct me when I accidentaly say "my" room. My mistake, I'm just sleeping there living out of a suitcase until I move back into the dorms. I guess you can understand why I'm going to be traveling away from there for most of the summer. I'm an RA, my job is to make a home away from home for my residents though ironically the dorms are my home.

If home is where the heart is, then where ever Josh may be is where I am home. Living with Josh is easy. Being with someone you love for most of the hours of the day is wonderful, and being with someone who can keep you entertained is even better.

Since I am a daddy's girl, being with my Dad is going to be pretty great too. Growing up very close to your father until you are 10, then not seeing the guy for years hurts pretty bad. Seeing him now that I'm older makes me long for those missing years, but I also know it was for the beat and mainly no one's fault but his. Nevertheless, I feel I am at home with my father so being in CA for a month can only do me good.

I'll make myself a home someday with the help of another and I'll be happy (not that I'm not right now, I just feel displaced). For now, home is with the people I care about and in D100's where I will not only make it a home away from home for the residents, but a home for myself.

The Not So Cryptic Version of Me

I am now enjoying some time off in West Lafayette, Indiana with a guy I'm crazy about. Josh is someone I can sit in silence with and never feel uncomfortable about it. Love is simply feeling content in the mere presence of a person and we are at that point. I feel wonderful up here. Not only that I'm with Josh, but that I'm away from San Angelo because I hate the heat, wind, and severe lack of interesting things to do. At least here in West Lafayette I've got a library, school, bookstore, 10 coffee shops, and cafes all within walking distance of me. Glorious.

This is my first summer not at Camp Sol Mayer and it feels kind of wierd. I miss my sister and all my friends, but I think there's a time when you grow out of camp life. Plus, this was a time when Josh and I really needed to spend some time together where we weren't bothered by anybody, mainly family (his and mine). Not that we were always bothered, but private time is something Josh and I rarely ever have.

San Angelo, I don't miss you. By the end of the summer when I am back from San Francisco, I will loathe you even more.

"So book her tickets,
And please her parents.
She is lovely,
And he is really smart."

Life was Leisure, Rainer Maria

I'm always falling in love with certain lyrics of songs that apply so perfectly to my life right now. I think that's the beauty of songs (that's not very deep.) Anyway, I recently aquired an album that absolutely rocks entited "Catastrophe" being the newest from Rainer Maria. The song "Life was Leisure" sings my anthem right now. It is an odd and simple four lines, but I love them.


My best friend got married. Wow. There's something about weddings that make my adrenaline rush. The flowers, the rings, the dresses, the tuxedos... Granted, Matt and Danielle's was a HUGE southern debutante wedding, but it was still a great experience. I'm not sure if I believe there is one person for everyone, a soulmate if you will, but I know that Matt and Danielle are perfect for eachother. They just fit perfect together and where he lacks in verbosity, she makes up in conversasion. Those balances are apparent all over they're relationship and it is neat to see. Weddings bring out my dreaming inner child because I've been planning my wedding since I was 6. Yet, it also brings out my "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" complex. But then again, I'm only 20 and it's ridiculous to think about that right now. (The fear, not the dream.)

"I leave the party at 3am, alone thank God." Neko Case

I was forced on an unexpected trip 200 miles across Texas and it blew my mind.

Why does summer always have to be synonymous with confusion for me? It's like free time hits and I finally have a chance to think about personal life stuff that has accumulated in my mind over the school year. Yet, thinking implies really assessing the situation and figuring out what it is I really want. Well, not figuring it out (I know EXACTLY what I want) but knowing if it is really possible or am I just dreaming it up?

I found some appropriate, already released lyrics!

"Woke up this morning to nothing I recognized
Everything changed and I never saw it coming
Now there are 5 billion disappointed souls
scrapping around in my disappointed mind"
Jupiter Sunrise, September Girl

I can't sleep. I have so much to say but no time to say it. My mind is racing 100 miles a minute.

What comes to mind is Jupiter Sunrise's new song "Why'd I wait so long?" I wish they'd hurry and release their new stuff because it's awesome and that song would be really great to listen to right now. I'm depending on music to speak for me here, but the song isn't released yet. They only playesd it live for the first time last night at the concert (which rocked, by the way). Still, even if I had the lyrics it would be quite helpful. Bah!

My goodness, why does life suck so bad right now?

The fact is, I've come to the realization that a lot of things need to change. After Finals next week, I have no choice but to start being happy with my life. I've hit the point where I realize that people don't change and never will, so you have either be willing to adapt or not. I feel I've been bending too far though. You can only bend so far until you break. Over the years I've been bending and losing little pieces of me to where I'm not even Elizabeth anymore. It's horrible when even your friends call you out on it and you know they're right.

The two people who care for me the most have really been teaching em some things lately.

There have been a lot of future plans that I have changed within the past few weeks. I had a plan, but it depended on something I thought might happen but doesn't look so promising anymore. Man, I liked that plan... it was beautiful.

Oh well. So now I'm just looking for a way out. One road straight out of San Angelo. I'm going to apply for every internship or job I can find that corresponds with my department. I'll take anything: magazine, newspaper, televison, radio... anything! My ambition has been hybernating the past 2 years and it's about to break out into ludicrous speed. I've got a Band scholarship interview/try out coming up this week and I'm gonna get it because I'm miss positive attitude!

I've pretty much figured I'm no longer a part of anyone elses future so it's only me on my own. God, please help me to see what you've got planned for me!

For some reason my life has come completely full cirlce and I feel this same way again, just 2 years later. Amazing how history repeats itself.

What happens when you hit the point where you really don't want to try to fix things anymore? Where do you go from the point when you realize things don't change, nor should they.

Last week I had a lot of triumphs and a couple low blows.

Triumphs. I won a scholarship from the Communication department at ASU and my sister, Krista,won a scholarship from her work. I got to travel out of town with Brandon and we hiked around Christoval for a few hours, which is something I've wanted to do for a long time.

Lo Blows. My step-grandmother passed away in her sleep on Easter Morning. My brother called Thursday informing us that he was getting a divorce. "She said she doesn't love me anymore and we were so different to begin with." That explanation terrifies me. I don't understand how one can "fall out" of love with someone, but the irreconsilable differences I do understand. What I am most worried about is losing my Nephew, Bryce. If she takes him to Canada, who knows when my sisters and I will get to see him.

Divorce is horrible. There was a post on postsecret that said "I knew when I married him, we would get divorced. And we did." For goodness sakes, if you have such severe reservations, DON'T TIE THE KNOT! Yet, what about the people with small reservations? The ones who want to get married, but don't really know if they'll be happy for the rest of their life with that person. I need to have a personal search and see what marriage really means to me because I'm beginning to believe marriage is just an expensive public show of short-lived dedication and God has nothing to do with it anymore. Coming to this realization is really strange for me because I've wanted to get married since I was 5 and I've desired a nuclear family since my parents split up... and I still don't believe sex before marriage is a good idea. Do I contradict myself? Maybe, but so be it. I'm pissed off at the marriage institution right now.

Here is an update on my year 1/4 over:

so far so good - done - not yet - FAILED
______________________________
1. SXSW for the 3rd time
2. write a letter to our Congressman or Representative
3. buy a really cool pair of shoes
4. watch every episode of Grey's Anatomy
5. give 10% of all earnings away to church or charity
6. file taxes by end of January
7. complete FAFSA by end of January
8. take vitamins and algae everyday
9. floss
10. repair bike and save gas
11. clean my car inside and out
12. lose 15 pounds by May
13. drink 3 gallons of water a week
14. spend only $10 on extra food every week (while in school)
15. only watch matinees, but watch at least 3 a month
16. read and complete a book a month
17. learn to play the piano well
18. write 2 letters a month to my Nonnie
19. buy antique jewelery
20. play a lot of animal crossing
21. get first in mario kart worldwide match
22. eat 0 deep fried foods
23. drink strawberry milk and eat a diego's burrito
24. complete all essays for Ellery's class on time
25. get a 4.0 this semester
26. play tennis again
27. say "I love you" to Josh everyday
28. keep up with friends' birthdays
29. catch a bouquet at a wedding
30. don't lie or stretch the truth
31. go to church, but think for myself
32. take a roadtrip to see Pablo
33. explore Christoval
34. skinny dip somewhere in San Angelo
35. keep practicing my flute
36. practice my ballet
37. don't over-involve myself
38. make some great coffee
39. don't get drunk, just razzed
40. don't talk with mouth full
41. eat at the Cactus Cafe' with someone cool
42. have a "photo-date" with someone
43. be nice to spoiled rotten sister
44. make up kick ass flag routines for Grape Creek HS
45. get a manicure and pedicure
46. get 7 hours of sleep every night
47. bake cakes and cookies for friends
48. stop disappearing from friends
49. buy a new Victoria's Secret bra
50. go to an art show
51. go to the symphony
52. live with Josh for the summer
53. be grateful to my dad
54. thank God for life every day
55. plant some trees, kill some misquites
56. go caroling at a nursing home
57. learn how to juggle

58. never sleep past 11 on weekends
59. get better at frisbee
60. drink coffee with Thinh at IHOP
61. eat the healthy breakfast thing at IHOP with Ashlin
62. email Darby
63. attend The Way at Glenn Junior High
64. be in my best friends' wedding
65. be happy for said friend getting married
66. pop someones Amelie cherry
67. be an encouragement to the girls on my floor ( I hope?)
68. visit sister in San Antonio
69. don't have sex
70. look like Jackie O
71. discover and love a new band all on my own
72. stand up strait
73. dance with Juston
74. be supportive of Amber (even if she doesn't know it)
75. play with animals in an animal shelter
76. be supportive of Matty
77. buy a cool new poster
78. don't eat out very much (or at least don't PAY for it)

79. take a roadtrip with Ashlin

80. be more positive about school

81. figure out what job i can see myself doing the rest of my life
82. be there for someone
83. visit my 1/2 canadian nephew
84. watch all of the olympics i can
85. keep dorm room clean
86. go camping somewhere
87. have a lost in translation, life aquatic, broken flowers marathon
88. have a sofia coppola marathon
89. dig deeper into my italian heritage
90. read a graphic novel
91. eat my fruits and veggies
92. meet and elope Zach Braff (crossing fingers!)
93. go to the library, it's there for a reason
94. order something besides a cinnamon latte at starbucks
95. go to Austin more often

There are some things that I have strong convictions for avoiding and others that I am a little more lenient about. I guess this can all be separated into foods, apparel, and toiletries.

FOODS

For one, I am avoiding beef like the plague these days. Since last July, I can count on one hand the number of times that I've eaten beef (neither time was ground beef) When I was in SF over the summer, I was informed of some horror stories about mad cow and I'd rather not take my chances. My children will not either, no hamburgers. Unless of course it is organic, free grazing grass fed cattle. I am beef free.

Another one is white flower and white sugar. No grain or sugar occurs that white naturally. I know that when those two go through the processing plant, bleach is added. This is easily remedied becuase you can get ahold of natural cane sugar or sugar in the raw and wheat flour at all grocery stores now. No matter how awesome bleach is, I will avoid.

When it comes to organic food, I have mixed feelings. It comes down to taste and pesticides. Do you want to eat pesticides on all your vegitables and have you ever had an all organic salad? It just plain tastes better. I guess it's personal taste too, but man, carrots are more carroty and apples just burst. I'd take soy and flaxseed chips over Lays any damn day. Some of my favorite things (even if they're not organic) are only found in natural foodstores such as Kettle Chips, Blue Sky Sodas, Reed's Ginger Ale, Panda Licorice, Good Earth Tea, and Kasha. Man, you must have a deep pocket if you're going to eat primarily organic. Expensive: yes. Worth it: I can't say for sure, it's on a conditional basis.

Tune in next time for my explanation of natural toilettries.

Tristan & Isolde

I know when this movie is first observed it screams chic flick, but looks are deceiving. The battle scenes are pretty impressive and action packed, would not expect anything less from Reynolds (Though I kind of wish I could see a version of this movie tht the Scott brothers whip together.) There are a few stunts that caught my attention, such as when the actors jump to kill a man on the ground the camera is at a perfect position to make you gasp. Supherb cinamatography, you'll know what I'm talking about when you see the movie.

I like this movie for the same reasons I enjoy Romeo and Juliet: there's no fairytale ending. It's real and you can feel the power of it. So real that you can understand that this can and probaly did actually happen. If you aren't crying by the end, you will still feel the grief hours after the theatre. Seriously, this movie made me feel actual grief! Just like Romeo and Juliet did when I watched it for the first time. Actual tugs at my heartstrings, this one. Personaly, I think the actors did awesome and were perfectly cast. Especially Tristan (James Franco) and Lord Marke (Rufus Sewell) , pretty damn convincing. Although I think Reynolds was more preocupied with the battle scenes than the scenes of desire and that's where it was a little disapointing. It had a little more potential, but overall I still think it was great.

"There's something beautiful about a well-made tragic love story. It may not be as uplifting as one with a happy ending, but it's more cathartic. Tears, they say, are good for the soul, and few will leave Tristan & Isolde with dry eyes. It is an affecting motion picture with enough romance to satisfy those who appreciate that genre, and enough swordplay and battle scenes to keep lovers of derring-do from becoming restless."

"The ad's designers pull in close on the pretty faces of Franco and Myles hoping that generic contemporary hotness will sell tickets."

OK, I'm done. A-

Friday the thirteenth

.

Elliot Smith

either/or

I feel I discovered Elliot Smith for myself way too late. I wish I would've been more into his music when he was alive. I thouroughly enjoy it now, but in high school I would have loved it. It's sad when a thing like this happens. I was sitting in my dorm room casually watching Good Will Hunting and I heard the song "Between the Bars' and was hooked. I bought the album a day afterward, the first purchase of the semester. I can't believe I only discovered him this year! This album is awesome, awesome, awesome. Other favs of mine even have major referrences to him, how did I not catch these years ago? His life was pretty cool as well. He graduated from college with a degree in philosophy and politicol science, two subjects that fascinate me to no end but I'm too scared to dedicate myslef to them. Ben Folds' Late and Weezer's The Other Way are both about him. Can't live without this CD.

"I can be another fool or an exception to the rule. You decide the morning after."

Things on the tube that got a lot of watching out of me.
My Viewers Choice:

FIREFLY


This show was really, REALLY awesome and again it's one I discovered a little too late. Josh mentioned it a few times, but it was Jerry who forced me to watch a couple of episodes. I was hooked. Brandon had to let me borrow his DVD's, though I discovered recently SciFi picked it up. They had a marathon the day I had my wisdom teeth taken out so I was delightfully suprised! Of course it's one of those shows that Fox cut way too early and that disappoints me greatly. No worries, Universal made a movie out of it so that good news for us bad news for Fox. Just think what wouldn've happened if Fox cut Star Wars, hmm? The character development was so good that you had to love every one of them and the writing was that fast, dry humor that forced you to laugh out loud long after the scene was over. Brilliant, I say.

GREY'S ANATOMY


This show is pretty new, first season being January 2005. I adore it. It's Chicago Hope meets ER meets Friends. Sandra Oh gives a stunning performance as the thick skinned, tough, emotionless yet brilliantly talented intern. I love her character, it's no wonder she's up for a Golden Globe. I identifly most with the innocent-finding-herself, Izzy, who is ironicaly named Elizabeth. This is my new Sex and the City.

SUPERNATURAL


This is also a new show consisting of Angel meets Buffy the Vampire. Two brothers traveling the country solving supernatural mysteries that usually involve a pretty girl. I most enjoy watching this show with my friends Travis and Kim in my dorm room with surround sound doing linear algebra during the commercial breaks. Some of the episodes can be quite creepy, one actually had Kim and I jumping into eachothers arms and screaming. Yep, like two 12 year-olds. Travis wasn't with us to share this incredible event, too bad for him. Good show.

The List for 2006

1. SXSW for the 3rd time
2. write a letter to our Congressman or Representative
3. buy a really cool pair of shoes
4. watch every episode of Grey's Anatomy
5. give 10% of all earnings away to church or charity
6. file taxes by end of January
7. complete FAFSA by end of January
8. take vitamins and algae everyday
9. floss
10. repair bike and save gas
11. clean my car inside and out
12. lose 15 pounds by May
13. drink 3 gallons of water a week
14. spend only $10 on extra food every week (while in school)
15. only watch matinees, but watch at least 3 a month
16. read and complete a book a month
17. learn to play the piano well
18. write 2 letters a month to my Nonnie
19. buy antique jewelery
20. play a lot of animal crossing
21. get first in mario kart worldwide match
22. eat 0 deep fried foods
23. drink strawberry milk and eat a diego's burrito
24. complete all essays for Ellery's class on time
25. get a 4.0 this semester
26. play tennis again
27. say "I love you" to Josh everyday
28. keep up with friends' birthdays
29. catch a bouquet at a wedding
30. don't lie or stretch the truth
31. go to church, but think for myself
32. take a roadtrip to see Pablo
33. explore Christoval
34. skinny dip somewhere in San Angelo
35. keep practicing my flute
36. practice my ballet
37. don't over-involve myself
38. make some great coffee
39. don't get drunk, just razzed
40. don't talk with mouth full
41. eat at the Cactus Cafe' with someone cool
42. have a "photo-date" with someone
43. be nice to spoiled rotten sister
44. make up kick ass flag routines for Grape Creek HS
45. get a manicure and pedicure
46. get 7 hours of sleep every night
47. bake cakes and cookies for friends
48. stop disappearing from friends
49. buy a new Victoria's Secret bra
50. go to an art show
51. go to the symphony
52. live with Josh for the summer
53. be grateful to my dad
54. thank God for life every day
55. plant some trees, kill some misquites
56. go caroling at a nursing home
57. learn how to juggle

58. never sleep past 11 on weekends
59. get better at frisbee
60. drink coffee with Thinh at IHOP
61. eat the healthy breakfast thing at IHOP with Ashlin
62. email Darby
63. attend The Way at Glenn Junior High
64. be in my best friends' wedding
65. be happy for said friend getting married
66. pop someones Amelie cherry
67. be an encouragement to the girls on my floor
68. visit sister in San Antonio
69. don't have sex
70. look like Jackie O
71. discover and love a new band all on my own
72. stand up strait
73. dance with Juston
74. be supportive of Amber
75. play with animals in an animal shelter
76. be supportive of Matty
77. buy a cool new poster
78. don't eat out very much (or at least don't PAY for it)

79. take a roadtrip with Ashlin

80. be more positive about school

81. figure out what job i can see myself doing the rest of my life
82. be there for someone
83. visit my 1/2 canadian nephew
84. watch all of the olympics i can
85. keep dorm room clean
86. go camping somewhere
87. have a lost in translation, life aquatic, broken flowers marathon
88. have a sofia coppola marathon
89. dig deeper into my italian heritage
90. read a graphic novel
91. eat my fruits and veggies
92. meet and elope Zach Braff (crossing fingers!)
93. go to the library, it's there for a reason
94. order something besides a cinnamon latte at starbucks
95. go to Austin more often

96. find the confidence i had before may 2003
97. make my car last another year
98. don't be so self concious
99. remember my dreams
100. keep dreaming

What can be said about Christmas 2005? A myriad of good things. I got to spend a ton of time with Josh which is really all I ever want to do anyway. For gifts he got me Serenity, a Coffee Pot, Coffee, The Chronicles of Narnia, a fancy clutch bag, a printer, printer cable, a USB hub and a coupon for Animal Crossing. Can I say delightfully spoiled? Well, he hardly sees me throughout the year so it's justified. I can't believe we've been doing this for SO long. In 2005 we saw eachother about 6 weeks total. Finally this summer may just allow us to be normal for a while and actually spend more than 3 weeks together. The plan is to fly up there after Matty's graduation and stay there until school starts up for me. Living with Josh in an apartment for a couple of months... sounds too good to be true. This can actually happen and it's phenominal. I'm thrilled.

2006

In June of 1996, my mom, and sister and I packed all our stuff into one U-haul truck and headed east from Cali. Saddest day of my life. On June 26 I'll have lived half of my life here in Texas, therefore I am a citizen. Texas hasn't been all that bad to me, but I still can't help but loathe it when compared to the California of my childhood. Yet the California of my childhood is much different from the California of today. I've come to the realization that I don't want to live there, just visit probably. Texas has given me a great high school experience, free college, a delightful boyfriend, and no income tax. Maybe it's not so bad being Texan... maybe my mind will change about that tomorrow.

My resolutions for my Texan year:

-save $1000
-spend the summer in West Lafayette, IN
-spend time with my Nonnie in SF
-write my Nonnie every two weeks or so
-keep in touch with friends, especially distant ones
-spend money responsibly, not frivilously
-keep ALL receipts
-follow throgh on committments
-make a 4.o this Spring
-loose 15 pounds
-be a great and RA
-read the Bible more frequently
-have some quiet time
-learn to play the piano
-get better on my flute
-be honest
-don't swear
-let my boundries be known, don't allow myself to get hurt
-go to SXSW
-love passionately
-appreciate acts of kindness and return the gesture

Alright 2006, bring it.

FROM NOW ON MY BLOG WILL BE COOLER!

So here's my synopsis of the past few days:
- justifiable desire to be foreign
- justifiable desire of love to be tangible
- justifiable want of being better looking
- justifiable nervousness

Sadly enough I feel like I'm in high school again. This experience is disgustingly familiar and that's the worst of it. I'm 20 for goodness sake, do other 20 year olds have these types of problems with love or am I just lucky?

I WISH I:

-was Foreign

-wasn't working on the night Josh comes home

-would keep better in touch with my friends

-could touch love to be sure it is there

-could look better for Josh than I'm going to when I see him again

-could get a response

-would stop being nervous about his coming home

How to Handle Elizabeth Deming: The Complete Compendium

Chapter 8: On Visitation

Article 1
First and foremost, you should understand that she is a very busy girl. She was born with this innate sense that she can do anything and everything and she attempts to do just that. She tends to over involve herself in a myriad of different activities, 50% scholarly, 30% labor, 15% social and 5% personal.

The social aspect is particulary the most difficult for her due to the composition of the group. It is comprised of oldest friends, old friends, new friends, newer friends, and newest friends, best friend and boyfriend. Because of the extent of the group and scholarly activities, it makes it difficult to spend time equally amongst them. Because of this, some of the people get aggrivated that she can't spend time with them and then feelings of anger come about. She doesn't know how to fix this problem, but observations show that due to concern, effort has been shown there is improvement being made.

From the girl, myself:

I got the 3rd degree from Jordan this morning at breakfast. He railed on me for not hanging out with him the past couple of nights when just Saturday I went to a movie with him. I try not to get aggrivated, but sheesh, I do have other friends too and I want to see them as well. Especially Ashlina! Plus, I've been busy with work and school both of which are pretty darned important to some people. Jeff asked me to dinner tonight, but Shannon is already taking me to Rosa's. We agreed on Wednesday lunch, but I still felt bad for not being available. Therein lies the problem: I feel guilty when I can't do things for people when they ask me to though I should just have enough nerve and backbone to say "no, I'm sorry" and hope they understand. There's a New Year's resolution for me. Work on social time management and being OK with not pleasing everyone and doing everything.

Done.

The past two weeks have been very trying on me. Venting this may help me deal with it a little better so it doesn't happen again.

Thursday was pretty harsh on me. I was still feeling very sick and I forced myself to go to all my classes. Well, Philosophy is my first class on that day and it did not go well at all. She gave back our essay assignment and I got a big fat C. That is the worst grade I've gotten on an assignemt in college to date. It was so depressing. Although, I know I didn't work as hard on it as I should have so I think I've learned my lesson well. That day I also almost got in a few wrecks and got very wet in the rainy weather. My one saving grace for that day was when I was in the UC grabbing lunch. Alex Yarbrough was doing homecoming elections and he said to me "Elizabeth, when I see you I just think 'College Student.'" That comment alone made me feel great and was an awesome compliment. It's little things like that that get me through these bad weeks.

Thursday night, one of my very good friends came in from Chicago and she spent the night with me at the dorms. Around 12:30, we walked over to the bonfire where Jordan and the rest of the ROTC people were guarding. The four of us climbed to the top of it and talked while gazing at the San Angelo city line. It was very special, I'm glad I got to share it with Elisa. Of course it made me miss Josh more, but that's a given.

Friday, one of my friends from the BSM volunteered to take me to get the soda from the Coca Cola company for the SGA Ramgate. While talking on the way over there, we found out we had a mutual friend. Ross is from Monahans and so was a certain band camp "fling" I had when I was a sophomore. James Fickenscher, which Ashlin and I affectionaly call "duck boy," happens to be Ross's best friend. When James was talking on the phone to me once, his friends(including Ross) were making fun of him and they even wrote a song about me and him. They referred to me as "Liz" and the song had something to do with Band Camp. I just realized that I never added him to the list of boy's I've kissed... that makes the number something... I don't know. Today James contacted me through facebook, so now we can see where we both are 5 years later. How ironic.

Homecoming is fianlly over along with Ramgate. It's nice to have that off my plate. I had a very good time hanging out with Jordan's parents and Jeremy this weekend. We all seemed to click very well with eachother, except for Jeremy contantly picking on me. Geez, it's hard to read that boy. I sometimes wonder why I get along better with boys than I do with girls. What's even more odd is that I trust boys more too. Weird huh?

I'm really hoping this week goes better. I need to pray about a lot of things, but hopefully life will start working a little better for me now homecoming is over.

Fall is the season for change, and it seems I am doing just that. I've shed my summer skin and with it I lost years, memories, dreams, etc... Things I thought were so planned out and secure, I'm beginning to question whether it really fits me or not. Things like that terrible "f" word, future. Is what I'm going to school for appropriate or am I selling myself short?

I have a plaque that reads "Trust your instincts" and a friend who gives the advice "Ninty percent of the time, you know what you have to do." If that is true then I fear for everyone around me because this bird won't be caged.

This is BIG.

The best words silenced, the worst ones spoken.

My friend Travis always jokes about how a real man cries. He says "it's always curled up in a ball in the shower." Well, when a real woman cries, it's always curled up in a ball on her bed. At least this woman does. The similarity is both have no hope of being comforted.

I believe I just lived one of the most pathetic moments of my life. I was journaling, trying to get thoughts out of my head and possibly onto paper when I began to cry a little. I looked around and to my left was a few pictures of me and The Five at Boy Scout Camp, one of my sisters and I at a wedding, and one of Josh and I in the Radisson in Appleton. Both of us smiling with his head is resting on my shoulder and his arms around my waist. I couldn't stand to look at it, it made me hurt worse and cry more.

Gabe, my new boss, said something the other day that really made me feel really small and insignificant. We were talking and I said something about me being the middle child in my family. "Oh, I should have guessed it" he said. When I asked him to explain what he meant by that he told me traits that he saw in me that showed I was a middle child: always keeping busy, always trying to please people, always trying to get attention... Well, I just sat there with that knife in my heart and was silent for the rest of my shift. I didn't really think I fell into that "always needs attention" category, but according to the Masters in Psychology guy, I did. My dad was usually the one who really took care of me because my mom was always obsessed with my two sisters. Dad's now gone and 1700 miles away and mom is still the same. So lets just say I've been pretty down lately since I got back from seeing my dad.

"Do you really miss me?"
"Feeling a little insecure, are we?"

Worst thing I could have possibly heard at that moment. "No." would've been better.

Then the moment came where this woman cried curled up on her bed alone in her room. Then cried some more after thinking of how pathetic she was for doing so in the first place. Which lead to more crying...


I really love you, but I don't love the things you say to hurt me.

Long, long eventful summer that no one will read about because it's in my private journal now and I don't feel like typing it all here.

RA training was pretty strenuous, but I graduated and had a successful move in weekend. My floor is one of the only one not packed to the brim right now, and I have a lot of cool girls. I bet Josh is glad I'm in the only All Women dorm on campus. Then again, he probably doesn't care.

Starting this year at ASU feels like my first year. I'm just way more involved, so I feel like a Freshman. I have a lot of new friends, and I still hang out with my old ones. I'm on the Ultimate Frisbee team which is so fun because it's a workout and allows me time to hang out with cool people. I had to relinquish my title as BSM Leader due to my duties as an RA. What's more important is that I'm there for my residents anytime they need me, because that's what I'm paid to do now. This allows me some time to regularly meet with Abs hopefully. I still need spiritual guidence you know? I've got a lot of work ahead of me this year.

I feel really distant right now, mainly because I'm too busy and he can't stay up a minute past 11.

So now I'm in California with my father and after being here a week the only question that comes to my mind is "Why the HELL did my mom move us to TEXAS?!" This trip has only confirmed and added fuel to my loathing of Texas. I can never be a true Texan, even if I have lived there more than half of my life.

It's beautiful here. The beaches are gorgeous and so are the mountains. The entertainment in the Bay Area is endless as well as the recreational opportunities. But even wth all its beauty California is not the greatest when it comes to the really important things in everyday life. The list of things that are too high goes on forever: taxes, property cost, homelessness, gas, dot dot dot. Enron really screwed these people over, though... and the Governator is really not doing a very good job.

All in all, it's a wonderful place to visit but I don't think I can ever live here again. :-(

I've got to quit it with the cryptic confusing posts I've been putting on here. Thanks to a wake up call, I've discovered it's not very fair.

Summer is over for me in San Angelo in about 4 days. It's gone fast, but has been so much fun. Not as good as 2003, hell of a lot better than 2004. I still have 2 weeks of summer in San Francisco, but when I return to SA I'll begin RA training and also will be moving out of my house. I already started packing my things up. My room is so bare without all of my artsy things. I wont be leaving much behind, most of my belongings fit into one big plastic container. The rest will be stored in Josh's parent's attic probably until we're married. Mixing Josh's and my style is going to be hilarious. Complicated rainbow hippie-esque meets simple black and white asian-esque. Can't wait. Ok, got off subject.

Back to the moving out thing. It's really weird finding all of your old things forgetten and tucked away in your closet. You have to decide what goes and what will be packed away in a box everytime you move unitl you give those things to your children. My lovely, very worn out rollerblades, some pictures I took in mall photo booths when I was 12, earings I loved in 9th grade, the knee brace from my ice skating accident, even a letter I wrote to my gradmother after she passed away. Also found were some skeletons: random pictures with ex-boyfriends along with a box of love notes from most of them. I'm not sure what to do with those things. I only am compelled to keep them for the sake of making fun of all the cheesy things they say. "Honey, you've got to see what this kid wrote me in 7th grade." Sheer entertainment.

Josh and I have been together about two years Saturday. Ups, downs, loops, turns, 2 stops, 3 go's, dates with pictures, and sleeping holding pillows. More years to come...

I fear the day when I actually have to talk about everything. Then I'll be forced to say everything I'm thinking when I'm being quiet.

I'm trying so hard to make all of this work, but there are pieces missing and that's what hurts the most.

I'm looking at this as a growing experience and plan to be mindful of everything. From this point on I have to see things as they really are and not what I would romanticize them to be.

Things are what they seem and time changes nothing.

Oh, Boy Scout Camp. How I love to get away...

Sick... tired... and crying. Welcome home, E.

I'm going to bed for 23987128371 days.

I'm sad.


I'm aprehensive about camp and I don't know if it was a good decision to go this year.

I have been looking into getting into the dorms for a while with the ultimate goal of becoming a Resident Assistant (A job consisting of being in charge of a floor and getting a huge discount on the price of room and board) The problem is you have to have 1 year of community living to qualify, which I only have through a couple summers of living at a boy scout camp. I went to the director of the Residence life office to ask some questions and she said that the summer camp living would qualify me, but all the positions were filled. She also suggested that I apply anyway just in case someone drops out of the position during the summer. So I did and I turned in the application on Tuesday. Wednesday, I get a call and a request for an interview. Thursday, I go to the interview and am given the information that a position had opened up in Massie. It was a short, yet potentialy life changing interview. I now am the new RA for the 2nd floor of Massie and I couldn't be more thrilled to move out of my house.

What this means is for about $350 a month, I get a private room in Massie and a good meal plan, not to mention basic cable, wireless internet access, refridgerator, and microwave. In addition to that, I get paid $6.65 an hour and am garunteed 20 hrs a week. I also get to continue doing the LOGOS lunch and Student Government and my flag intructing at Grape Creek.

It all happened really fast. I move in on the 15th, the day after I get back from San Francisco. I'm going to probably need some help, so those of you with big cars and helping hearts be listening for me. I thank God for all of this... it's almost too good to be true.

RECAPITULATION - English 2324.030

Wow, I'm really going to miss this class. I've never had a professor tear up about the last day of class. He said we were definately in the top 5 of his favorite classes of all time, and he's been teaching for 20 some odd years. This year he won the Texas Coligiate Outstanding Professor Award, which meant lots of honor and lots of money. He deserved every penny of it.

I've never liked English. At Central it was always the class that brought down my GPA and I always regreted going to. Though I didn't know it at the time, those 3 English G/T classes would prove to be the most beneficial classes out of my entire public schooling. (Info: though I learned a lot about literature, I still have trouble with grammar and spelling as you have read in my blog for almost 2 years) It turns out, Mrs. Underwood was taking Dr. Ellery's American Lit at the time I was enrolled in her strand of American Lit at Central. When I took Dr. Ellery, I recognized some of the things that Mrs. Underwood had tought us. Essentialy, I'd already heard a lot of his opinions of the books and stories from her.

I think my favorite work in that class was The Awakening by Kate Chopin. I liked the fact the she was a strong woman and though I didn't agree with the adultry committed, I enjoyed the tragic romance of her and Robert. I liked how she defied her husband with her actions and her way of just saying "No" to things she didn't agree with. She had been a caged bird for a long time and treated like a posession for most of her life. After her eleged awakening, she began questioning her roll and defying the conformity of the time. Wow, I loved that. One of my biggest fears is being a caged bird... Edna is an inspiration. (Though I know I'd never go off and commit adultry, that's just something to read about)

So that was my favorite work, among many. "The May-pole of Merry Mount" (Hawthorne) was another good one along with "Rip Van Wrikle" (Irving). Ben Franklin's "Autobiography" was awesome. He has a ton af wonderful adages that totaly stimulate your mind. I remember reading that and being so intrigued, it just pulled you in. How can an autobiography do that? It's interesting to think of what the world would be like if we actually followed some of his principles stated in his books. It's even more interesting to think about if everyone actually followed the Bible...

Anyway, a few of the adages are "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can accomplish today" and "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." I know you've heard them, but have you practiced them? Try it, it could lead to something life-changing. Haha, I tell you this though I've never tried it. This is all from a guy who was raised a Christian, refuted it and became a Diest, then proved Christianity to himself. Ha, again, if only others would follow his example. (not go against Christianity, but investigate it and find out why you believe it!)

All in all, that class was great and I learned myriad of new things and sharpened some old things. Mrs. McKinney, Mrs. Davis, and Mrs. Underwood did very well when teaching me all this stuff in high school.

New developments have come up. Right now I am having a very hard time deciding whether or not I'm going to live on campus . I have a the means to do so, but that would take away from my car money. So the thing is deciding between a decent car or the convenience of campus life. Also, I just got invited to be the hostess for LOGOS Lunch on Friday's at the BSM. This along with Student Senate, my job, and the Flag instructor thing is going to make my Sophomore year quite a year. On the bright side, it will all keep my mind off of Josh being away.

I feel really bad for my little sister. When I was a sophomore, I was friends with a lot of seniors. I was going to go to prom with Noe, but I decided on Darby. Darby then stood me up a week before Prom, so I ended up going with Matt Miller my sophomore year. It was great! Besides the whole getting pulled over for the first time part. Anyway, so my sister is really wanting to go to prom and she doesn't have a date. I'm even going to prom and I'm a freshman in college! So my goal for the next two days is to find someone for her to go with that is not taking her out of pitty, but out of fun. She just wants to dance!

I've been dreaming. Dreaming really odd things about people I know now in places I haven't been in years. I recently dreamt about a certain person and now I am acting differntly towards them. I act how I acted toward this person in my dream. I'm letting my relationship with this person be affected by what happened in my brain while I was unconcious. I can't go back to the way it was before because this encouneter feels so real and you can't just erase experiences from the brain (even though it didn't happen) This is completly bogus. I wish I wouldn't have had that dream at all. How and why does something like this happen? Dreaming can be detrimental to relationships sometimes. At least in the case where I can't overcome the occurance and treat it as what it was exactly: a dream.

Today is March 23rd. Josh and I have been dating for one year and eight months.

Just to inform everyone how my math is working now, I'm not counting the 2 two week incriments that I broke up with him, went off the deep end, and hurt people very much.

This blog holds my precious memories of his heartbreaking departures and joyous returns, our times of delight and saddness, and my many wrong assumptions. I'm actually pretty glad I kept this blog after evryone has pretty much abandoned theirs. There was no way I could let this thing go, I turned to this every night that summer. Heck, this blog was one of my desperate attempts to spend time with him. Of course, I didn't know how to set this thing up on my own but I couldn've asked any one of my friends to help. Nope, I had to ask Josh.

Josh is one of those enigma type guys. Thinh and Daniel would always say "he's a closed book" or "he's a robot" whenever we would try to figure out what he thought about something but wasn't saying it. He's one of those mysteries I wish I could be. I wish I could be mysterious, but I think you can read every emotion on my face and see every feeling by my body. Anyway, Josh and I complement eachother very well. I feel perfect when I'm around him, even after all these months. I'll still be saying that 50 years from now too.

Future Elizabeth: "I feel perfect when I'm around him, even after all these years."

SXSW 2005

Day One

Josh and I left for Austin about 12:00pm on Wednesday. The drive there was really mellow and peaceful. I've made that drive quite a bit in the last few years, mainly alongside Josh.. We made it to Mono and I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness, both of which were pretty freakin cool. The first band was a group of Asian instrumental rockers who were scheduled for a show with Explosions in the Sky the following day. After the show, Josh and I headed for Chuy's on Riverside. I love their chips, so yummy. We got to my cousin's house around 9 or so and got settled there. My cousin has a huge "game" room that posesses a foosball table and a projector for movies and games. It's awesome. We played Sega Soccer Slam (where Josh kicked our butts) and SSX 3 (which is my new favorite game, but I suck at it). Due to my massive headache, we headed to bed around mid-night.

Day Two

We woke up around 9 and had fresh coffee waiting for us because my cousin rules. Thinh, Juston, Amber, and Dan were on their way in from SA. Juston called me asking if I was on my rag, and unfortunately I was... along with Amber. So 100% of the females on the trip were riding the crimson wave. We met up with them at their hotel and headed for the streets of Austin. We made it to Emo's in time to see The Stars whom I enjoyed very much. Right before Pedro the Lion went on, I started to feel really queesy, then I got tunnel hearing, and then minor blackout vision. I recovered for a short time, then it happened again. I guess they were fainting spells, so I made my way put of the crowd to the bleachers to get some fresh air. I was there for about 10 minutes and felt worlds better. I made my way back up to the front just before they went on and it was great. So Dan was right, besides the fainting spells, the shpw was great. Josh and I left early to head to The Church of the Friendly Ghost to see Jennifer Gentle, but we had only a vague idea of where it was. We must've walked a good 15 blocks trying to find it, but we never did. Darn it all. We ate at Schlotzky's on Congress and met up with everyone else after that. By the way, the new Whole Foods is amazing! Later that night we met the Nintendo DS Street Team, who happened to be named Josh and Matt. Because Josh and I had our DS's out, we got free shirts and our pictures taken for headquarters. Thinh and Dan got free shirts because they rocked at Double Dash, more pictures were taken. I think the DS Street Team was the highlight of the trip. We went to Coco's for some food and tapioca bullets and Josh spit on a Catholic church. The arcade was next, and this time Chris and Lindsay met up with us. Juston accidently offended a homeless mexican and he cussed and yelled at us as he walked down the street. Soon after, Josh and I headed back to my cousin's.

Day Three

Josh, Thinh, Dan, and I headed for the Mall pretty early. I shopped and I guess they just walked around. We headed for Stubb's at noon to meet up with Josh and Matt. This time they gave us Nintendo hats. To our suprise we also met Carlos from RETRO who asked us our opinion of the new Metroid. I was like, are you kidding me? A guy who actually worked on this game is asking us how we liked it? I had to talk up the Multiplayer because it's so much fun (well, it's only fun when Josh and Justin Taylor aren't kicking my butt) After that we headed for Guadalupe and some shopping at Urban Outfitters. We finally met up with everyone else and went back to the motel for some much needed rest and stock up on feminine products. When dinner time hit, I went for Jimmy John's and everyone else hit up Coco's. If you ever go to Coco's on Guadalupe, get the Chicken Lo Mein > amazing. Shortly after we headed again for the DS street team and this time we all got visors and a Link pin. We gave them our e-mail addresses and they promised to contact us when they're going to be in Texas again. They also busted out a video camera and interviewed Amber and I. Yep, those guys were pretty cool. I guess after we left they finally got to play Thinh and Dan at Double Dash. Josh and I headed home after that. It was long drive for Josh practically alone, because I always fall asleep on the way home. I guess he found a way to keep me awake because he got me talking about planets and space in Brady and then BAM! we were in San Angelo. All in all the trip was pretty amazing. The group we had was a lot of fun and... I love Josh.

This trip really can't compare to last years because it was so different from the company to the weather. Both were a lot of fun though. I'll have MY pictures up later, I just wanted to tell about the trip now before I forget it.

Things have been phenominal. Absolutely perfect now that he's around. My life is on a steady incline since my dip into dispair at the beginning of the year and I think it's at it's peak right now. Wow, I can't belive it's already halfway through March. Now all I have to wait for is April, May, June, then July and I'll get to see him again! My word, this is tricky. I'm so glad he's home though.

When he's home, I'm home.

There have been some pretty crapy things happening for me and some pretty awesome things happening for me.

So about the third week of school I decided to go to the BSM and check it out. JoAnna has been enouraging me to do so ever since I started ASU. There I formaly met Tiffany Paige, who is in 4 of my 6 classes. Turns out we have SO much in common besides our calsses: same major, formerly flagline captains, christian, even the same exact TV. It's weird, but we're really good friends now.

Also at the BSM, I was seen by Brent Hastings who introduced himself to me about a week later in the UC. He stopped and talked to me for a while and said that he had seen me at the BSM and such. I saw him often around campus for about two weeks, then this job started. On a mail run for my new job I stopped in the UC and at the Student Government table picked up an application for the Student Senate. He happened to be walking past (because the table was right in front of the Senate's office) and said "You're interensted in Student Senate?!" It just so happens he's the Student Body Vice President. He's been helping me and giving me a lot of advice on how to get involved. He wants me to go to the meetings to make sure his ParlyPro is correct and is introducing me to the rest of the senators. I knew a few of them from class, but this whole situation is looking up. Elections will start up in April, lets hope this goes a lot better than last year's student body elections.

I have this really nice new job and I'm loving my Ballet class. My boyfriend is coming home in 4 days and I couldn't be more excited. This break has been exceptionaly bad for me. So I'm trying to focus on the blessings in my life rather than the bad stuff. Well, HE is a blessing. When I'm with him, I'm beaming. My friends are my blessings... my scholarship is a blessing... the BSM is a blessing, my nephew is a blessing. No matter how bad stuff is with my job, money, my parents, I really am blessed.

One of the Ten Commandments in the Bible is "honor thy father and thy mother." I am afraid I am guilty of this sin about 10 fold. Quite frankly, I really can't stand my parents. Many of you know the situation, but it gets worse everyday. To some of you (my infinate number of readers) it may look like I complain a lot also, but it's my blog I'll cry if I want to.

I fell like I'm always between a rock and a hard place with my mother. She seems to remind me everyday about how much I am like my father, the man who ruined her life, and that I need to be a nicer person. It's hard to be nice to her when all she does is complain to me about... me. There's no way to please that woman. I'm sick of talking to people about it, and I'm sure they're sick of hearing it so here's to blogging...

Last weekend my older sister came into town along with two of her Air Force buddies, Amber and Kera (who was pregnant.) Basically, I completely lost my room for the weekend. We all went out to lunch as a group and the girls were talking about how great it was to get out of high school and join the Air Force. My mom commented on how successful they are and said in my direction "Better than going to college and living at home, right?" I kid you not, I'll never forget the arrangement of those words. They all laughed and agreed. I felt like dying in my chair right then and there. I guess the only way I'll be successful according to my mother is joining the Air Force and getting knocked up, not going to college in pursuit of a career. Ok, I can handle that.

Then there's my dad. Won't pay child support and illegaly transeferred the title of a '69 bug out of my mother's name and into his after we moved to Texas. Now that my mother is taking away my car in July to give to Anne, my dad is trying to get me the bug from San Francisco to either sell or drive for myself. Simultaneously, my mother is trying to get me to manipulate my dad into getting the bug here, saying that I would drive it, but she inteds to sell it for herself when it/if it does get here. Talk about being in the middle.

There are a myriad of stories like this. Honestly, I find it hard to honor my father and mother.

Something about Phantom of the Opera just stood out to me like crazy the other day. I saw the movie last Saturday and I didn't cry at all while watching it. It happened only later when I was listening to the soundtrack that the words and music, without the amazing visuals, was what truly moved me. The actual emotion in the arrangement of the notes drove a few of my senses crazy.

I'm not usually prone to cry, I went an entire year without sheading a tear. Though, or some reason lately I've had a heightened sense to do so. This is not the only musical that I've cried at, when I saw Les Miserables at the State Thespian Conferrence I did so also. It wasn't the acting, or the lights or set... it was just the power of the music. I've been exposed to pretty powerful music ever since I was a very young girl living in San Francisco and it was an annual event to attend The Nutcracker Ballet. I was mezmirized. I think I still am because I've got this undying passion for classical music.

Another semester starts tomorrow and I hope it goes as fast as the last one. There are a few things I wish to change about this one though.

Go to church. I really want to actually get involved in the University Group at my church. I'm only apprehensive because they have already established their cliques (it happens to all of them). Yesterday I dreaded going to church and that is never a good sign, so that shows me I need get my relationship straight.

Get more involved. Not only in church as I stated before, but in school activities. April tryouts for Angelettes? Perhaps, probably not, but a thought. There is no reason why I shouldn't go out for student government or something like it. JoAnna keeps telling me to pledge the Christian girls soroirity, but I don't think I'm a sorority type, even a Christian one.

Meet new people. I met very few people last semester, BAD SIGN. I was closed off and cynical last semester, and I fear I'm entering this one the same way. Play nice with the kids, Elizabeth.

So Josh started class today. I pray everything is going well for him today.

I'd give anything to be there with him right now, but I know this is for the best. No matter how hard it is, the distance is good for us both. This way we can each focus on our studies and not be distracted be eachother. Though I fear my desire to write e-mails, send letters, and call him more than makes up for the time I'd spend with him. Nope, nevermind, scratch that. Really, the distance is good when we're both focusing on school. Soon enough we'll be together.

On a side note, I have an interview with Glenn Junior High today. Hopefully I'll be hired as a counselor's clerk. I try not to get my hopes up with such things because I don't want to be let down, but I can't help but really want this. You would too if it was a choice between this and SITEL!