While walking to class the other day I caught myself doing Thinh's favotite activity: reminicing. Not really thinking about fun things I used to do with my friends, but more of how I felt a few years ago.
While I was in the middle of my senior year in high school I hit this point where I felt pretty unsure about things. With the mxture of my parents incessant pecking and my lack of confidence in the future, I slipped into a rather depressive state. A lot of this was in sync with the sudden death of one of our fellow classmates. I remember sitting in the ASU computer lab thinking to myself "If I were to die, would it really matter to people?" My mother would say I was lazy, selfish, and self centered who never saw the opportunity in Sitel. Honestly, I think I was a little cold in high school, or rather my senior year. I was so fed up with the high school scene that all I did was go to class, do my work, and take off. I would say I was pretty bitchy andI hate to admit that.
Boy, things have changed a lot. Moving into the dorms is one of the best things to ever happen to me. It changed my life completely. The interaction I have with so meany people I've really learned to cherish. My job is to make friends with th people on my floor and be there for them if they ever need anything. My compassion really revealed itself in this vocation. I'm always afraid I'm going to give bad advice or not get as involved as I should or something. I would never have seen myself in this position 3 years ago. Of course, I always wanted to be an RA but due to technicalities I never thought it possible. God opened every window, door, and gate to get me where I am today so I hardly faced a fork in the road.
So now I'm here hoping I doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing by Him and making a million mistakes in the process. It feels right for now. I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life (sans Summer 2003) and I have a confidence that keeps me truckin'. Essentially, I don't think people will look at me now and think "bitchy" and maybe my mom won't see "selfish" anymore. IF I were to die I now I feel I would be remebered well. A 20 year old probably shouldn't have such morbid thoughts but the Lord will take me when He wishes. So I think more importantly my job for now is to be really appreciative of everything that has happened to me give credit where credit is due. My job is not to rush through life being bitchy. How deep.
1 comment:
I found university to be overrated. While it is good to be educated, how that translates into finding a job after university or college is a different matter. I mean, I worked in a movie theater for minimum wage, 26 hours a week for two years after graduating. It's only now that I'm making some decent money at a decent job.
But when I say university is overrated, I mean the merrits of it helping you finding a job part. The university or college "life" however, is priceless. Seriously, all my friends today are from the dorms way back in first and second year, and I had a blast living on campus, enduring the typical social lifestyle that university affords you. That part I wouldn't give up for anything in the world.
Post a Comment