She's falling apart


Again, a selfish entry

Sometimes I truly resent my parents. I know they do a lot for me... and I mean a lot. Yet, sometimes I can't stand them. I often wonder what it would be like if I had different parents... I never have thought this before because I love my family more than anything, or at least I used to but

You know what, ck that.... this is how I really feel:
I woke up this morning and felt like a hadn't even slept. All I started thinking about was work and school work. I have a ton of homework right now and it's not getting done because there is really no time to do it. I don't want to hate this job, but I think I'm already beginning to. I don't want to have to have a job right now... I just want to have a good senior year. I want to be able to go spend time with my friends whenever I want. I want my parents to be concerned abuot my well being and how I'm doing in school, and care how a job might be affecting my school work. One parent who I admire very much actually said, "I just want them to be happy." I don't think my parents ever said that about me. I think my parents' lives are really driven by money and that's it. Like if I want to go on family trips, I have to pay for it myslef now. If there's anykind of food that I like I have to buy it because they're only "responsible for the necessities." My mom often starts yelling at me asking when am I going to ask my dad for the child support. Of course, even if I ask he'll never send it and then somehow my mom will think it's my fault. Then there's that part, being completely rejected by my father hasn't exactly been the greatest thing to deal with for the past 5 years. He doesn't support me at all, but I feel like I'm a horrible person if I don't keep in touch with my biological father. But then if my parents find out that I've been talking to him, Steve will get offended. They contradict themselves constantly with that stupid situation... my mom wants me to ask about the money, but she doesn't like me talking to him. It's enough to make me go crazy. Maybe it's just this new job that's making me crazy, I don't see myslef working 5 days a week and living to tell about it. I'm confused, really confused. Oh look, an 18 year old teenage girl complaining about her parents and her not wanting to accept responsibility. Boo hoo, sorry for all you who are fans of originality. This post is a cliche'. Dang it, that's my freaking greatest fear and I'm living it. I'm a fcking walking cliche'!