There are a few people I really want to know better. I want to know why they think the way they do, why they have certain manerisms, what they think about issues and such. I guess intimacy is really important to me, and who can you be more intimate with than your friends? No matter what, I always find that the people I know best still suprise me. And it's wonderful.
Why is it that people are scared of intimacy? A lot of stuff people talk about to eachother is just a lot of nothing, meaningless coversation. I mean, I want to ask and be asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" (because we only think we're grown up now, but there's a lot more coming) and "What are your dreams?" Even if we don't follow them, we still have dreams. I want to be a dancer. I bet you didn't know that. I also want to be a devoted house wife. I bet you didn't know that either.
Stuff has really been bothering me lately. I know I just graduated and it seems like we we're just launched into the future. Our future, the one we're going to create all on our own. I've had my sights set on ASU ever since I got my scholarship, and I've had my sights set on a communications degree since sophomore year. But do I really want that? Maybe I don't think it's going to challenge me or something, like I'm taking a cop out major.
I look at what other people are doing and I'm in awe. I mean, Mehmet is a biochemistry major. How awesome is that! And he's such a wonderful person to be around. Then there's Thinh, he's going to major in business, and work for Nintendo! Again, that's so awesome. I've spent enough time with him to know his dreams. And then Josh, who amazes me most. He's going to start a job in three weeks. A great job, too, one that some San Angeloans would really dream of. Look at what he's done in a year. Just jump up and go to another state leaving family, friends, and girlfriend behind to study Electrical Engineering at a wonderful university. He's done well for himself.
I'm scared. I can admit it. I don't know what I want, typical feeling of a teenager. For me, future planning is essential. Have you seen my planner? Knowing that I don't know what I'm doing scares the crap out of me.
Wow, looks like I needed to pour a lot of bottled up stuff out. I wish I had aim here because talking to people would really be nice right about now. Don't search this post for grammar mistakes. I know there are plenty and I already know I'm really bad at it so there's no use telling me. Why don't we start with the stuff that really matters, huh?
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